Autumn

The past year of my life has been a whirlwind.
So much has happened so quickly I have barely had time to process it.
It has been a strange combination of fast and slow, but even in slowness I haven’t really gotten to rest.

I have been going through an autumnal season of my life.
Shedding the things that I can no longer take with me.
And it has been a lot. A career, relationships, traumas—
And now my house and my things.

I am in the home stretch of shedding.
Giving away my furniture, most of my clothes, my decorations.
And it can’t happen fast enough. Every bookshelf feels like a weight I am carrying. Every blanket feels like a trap I am caught under. I need it all gone.

At the end of this week I will move back in with my parents for six weeks.
Six weeks. Through the holiday season. I will work my shitty job delivering for Uber Eats, I will save up some money, and I will allow myself to be reparented literally, by my parents. How many people get that opportunity?

And then—
I’m off to Idaho.
To live on a farm.
To work for an environmentalist.
To train dogs and do office work, to build new relationships and live somewhere new.

Where I can enjoy the season of winter.
With the shedding done, I can rest and decompose under a blanket of snow.
I can rest in the long nights and feel the cold air wake me up.

The past year of my life has been a whirlwind. I think I am finally stepping out of the storm.